New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
