I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Randomize
