I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
