So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
