TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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