I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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