WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
