Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize