so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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