I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
try to milk me bitch
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
