im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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