i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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