dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize