i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
