After last night, I could never be a politician.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
