Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
