Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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