I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
This girl is more easily done than said...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
