Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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