did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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