Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
