went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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