we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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