Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
