I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
