So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
