Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
