Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
