You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
