Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
this will be a night to untag.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
