We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
