drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
