In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
