I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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