dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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