So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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