Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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