I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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