The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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