Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
