weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize