I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
