real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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