I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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