So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
