The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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