i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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