By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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