my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
