You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
