he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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