His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
