Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
