I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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