I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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