I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
