I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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