I feel like abortions should bother me more
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Randomize
