Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
