Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
