How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He kissed a someone with a penis
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
