somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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