Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
