Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize