Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Randomize
