I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
smell my finger.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
