Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
