I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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