He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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