I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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