if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
